Hong Konged like a bastard!

Yo yo!

Well I`ve been a busy boy, going off on all sorts of gonzo adventures, and as you probably know, I went to Hong Kong for a long weekend just over a week ago. I`d like to say it was for a holiday, but alas, my visa is still being processed so I just ran out of time and had to exit the country. You know what I`m talking about....

HONG KONG!!

So I flew into Hong Kong on the Saturday, and as I`ve seen from the air before, it`s a beautiful city when you land. The mountains, the bay, the famous architecture. Hong Kong airport was like any UK airport, little did I know that was a hint of things to come. So similar to Gatwick and Heathrow in London. I hopped on the train and took in the mountains and beautiful bay, and the tower blocks, and the cranes, and the.... must be a developing part of the island. Cracked a taxi to hotel and was amazed at how everything is like England. The buses, road works, double yellow lines, the shops. I could list a million things.

Ahhhh the hotel.... ohhhhh shit!! What did I book myself into!!??

i did a shit ton of research on the best hostel in HK, and found Paris Guesthouse which is run by a British ex-army guy. Good reviews, very central. So I booked the super deluxe room and hoped for the best. What a fucking shithole!!!!!!!

It was in what I now know is the world famous Chungking Mansions tower block. Famous for all the wrong reasons. It`s basically a tower block with the dirtiest market on the ground floor, ran by a mix of the Indian, African and just generally nasty people that will rape your Mum just to fuck with you. I had to walk through half of the market to get to the elevator to go up to my luxury suite... After fearing for my life in that deathtrap, the doors open and I`m greeted with murder alley and about four doors, none of which have any signs on... I go in the first door and I`m greeted with a grunt by an Indian guy who`s on the verge of suicide.

Yes this is the reception to Paris Guesthouse. Errr ok, so whats my name? No I`m not giving you my passport or any details until you give me some goddamn motherfucking ID!! It turned out ok, but I already knew this was going to be bad times. And where was the British guy??? Tied up in a closet no doubt. I was taken to the 10th floor where the smell was unbearable... was it death? More like poverty. My room was actually ok. Imagine half the size of a student room, but with no window, the smell of death, and cockroaches crawling up your leg. After showering and defunking the room the best I could it was time to get the fuck out of there!!

Lets just forget about Chungking Mansions shall we.... but please one last word. Don`t ever stay there, whatever you do!!!! You will not be as lucky as me and you will die in a bath of sand.

Ok so onto the nice parts of Hong Kong.... Let me just say I took a million photos all on my ipod, but the cable is gone, so they stay on the pod for now.

My first call of business on this Saturday evening was to meet with Ken and some of the HK parapara people. They took me to dinner and were just the nicest people ever. Oh the food? Let`s just say I`ve had better.... out of a bin.... sorry I wasn`t a fan of the food, it was just all so bland for my taste. Oh how I longed for the breads of Japan!!

Speaking of breads, the 7eleven there was just an English newsagents. You could buy UK chocolate and drinks, great, but not a patch on Japans version. Chinese beer you ask? I have pissed tastier beer into my shoe. Seriously bad. I had to resort to Stella....

Ah yes but I digress... After dinner we walked up Nathan Road, which is just Oxford Street, and into the lovely park where the guys and gals wre holding a parapara meeting in a dance studio. It was great meeting everyone there and I had tons of fun, awesome bunch of people who made me feel right at home! Afterwards we hit a restaurant (why does nowhere serve booze??) but after a couple of hours I was fading and so tired from the travel.

Ahhhh shit I forgot to mention I transfered in Beijing, they take the crown for rudest airport. Paris is now down to second! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!

Sunday I awoke from my cockroach invested slumber to head out and meet up with Ken. Man alive is it hot there. About the same temperature as Tokyo, 35c, but 2000000% humidity compared to Tokyo`s 1000000%.

I`d planned some history walks around the islands, you know because I have a massive love of history and architecture, you didn`t, well now you do. I often go on history walks around Tokyo by myself, it`s a beautiful thing. Seeing as British history is my favorite subject I had to check out a whole bunch of shit in HK. As luck had it, Ken used to be a tour guide, so we headed over to HK Island to check out some architecture. Some lovely collonial buildings as well as the gorgeous new sky scrapers, yes that`s the HK I had been expecting! I have an amazing story about three buildings which face each other but it`s hard to explain without photos. So another time! Knifes, cannons and don`t reflect me you bastard!!!

After the culture we headed out of the city to a monster arcade to meet some people and get some para gaming done XD Great arcade! Food food and then they totally indulged me by taking me to the touristy bar area. Hong Kong really doesn`t seem to be big on drinking so this one big u-bend of a street with a thousand bars on was just Brits on tour.

OI OI!!!!

It might as well have been Ibiza. Well I can see how it`d be fun to have a weekend with mates getting fucked up, but even saying that there`s better cheaper places in Asia.

As it happened it was Beerfest 2011 on the street.... but we only caught the last hour, which just meant retreating indoors for drinks. Well I had to taste the touristy nightlife of HK and there it was. Leveled down on Ju-beat, as is the way when drunk, and then hit a taxi home. Taxi`s are cheap as shit, as is most of HK. Infact I found it hard to spend my money.

Monday was my last full day and a day I planned to spend at the history museum and just wandering the city. The museum was awesome, I was really looking forward to seeing all the British items there and I wasn`t disappointed! I ended up spending most of the day there and didn`t even see the end before it started to close. I had a good wander around London.... I mean Kowloon. It is just central London tbh, just not as exciting.

Late at night on my last day, only one thing left to do, para filming!!

I met up with Ken and Yuki (great girl and you should check out her para videos!!) and headed to the bay to film a million and ten videos. It was great because just about all of them were one take and me and Yuki fit really well as a para team. Anyway, I had a blast and it was a great way to end the adventure.

So Hong Kong was not what I was expecting, I wouldn`t recommend it as a holiday, but the people were fantastic! Thanks to everyone for making me feel so welcome. I`ll totally come over for the HK parapara 11th anniversary!

I`ll upload a million videos and photos next time.

For the record I had no problems getting through immigration in Tokyo, and boy do I know that Japan is my home!